Crawl or Die

From the Mind of a Monster

Saturday
Jun122010

Monster Presents: Clive Barker's Midnight Meat Train

            Good evening FearCastians! I've decided as my first official FearCast Network review, I would write about one of my more recent buys, based on one of my most favorite Clive Barker short stories, Midnight Meat Train.

            I won't dwell on the book version too much, but I must say, the movie follows the story quite well. If you have't read it, I highly suggest it. It is in the first volume of Books of Blood by, as you guessed, Clive Barker. Now on with the film. This film's antagonist is a man by the name of Leon (Bradley Cooper), a photographer who takes pictures of random acts... what seems like mostly violent acts. The film's protagonist is a man by the name of Mohogany (Vinnie Jones), or The Subway Butcher as he's better known. Mahogany murders his victims on a subway car, shaves them, removes their nails and teeth, and procedes to butcher them as they hang by the ankles from hooks dangling from the subway handles. Of course, for some reason, when the subway is checked later, the car is clean, and no bodies are found. As a rash of missing persons stories flood the pages of the newspapers, Leon decides to search for clues on these murders, but apparantly just for pictures. Beyond this small synopsys is a lot of gore and fun, with a really odd and wonderful ending. I'm never one to throw too many spoilers into these!

On to the filming. As you've all seen from my past posts, I'm not a big fan of bad CGI. When the blood looks like its the same material Roger Rabbit's pants are made of, well I tend to frown on that, and unfortunatly this film does have a lot of Roger's pants, which caused my rating to drop. On the good side though, it does include plenty of the good ol' liquid stuff too! As a mini spoiler...watch out for the eyeballs!! The soundtrack didn't impress me all that much. Unfortunatly I can really only see this being a favorite for fans of Clive Barker such as myself. Though I do highly reccomend this for any fans of slasher/crime movies.

I personally give this one 3.5 out of 5 Fuzzies.

 A figment of your twisted imagination,

                                               - Monster

 

P.S. I want to thank Clyde, D, Ogre, and the rest of the FearCast Network crew for letting me join the family. I hope to do you all proud. I really appreciate this opportunity to let this Monsterous infestation break loose on the unwary! Thank you again.

                                               - Monster

Saturday
Jun122010

Monster Presents: Zombie Strippers!

Zombie Strippers!

For this review I will be talking about two of my most favorite subjects... Zombies and Strippers! This gem of a film stars the great Robert Englund, and the skeletal remains of Jenna Jamison (with special attached "enhancements"). There is also an appearance by her current husband and baby-daddy, UFC fighter Tito Ortiz, and my personal favorite and late-night dream girl...Roxy Saint. This film starts out with the typical Scientist screw up, and the Army being sent in for the clean up. In typical genre fashion, one of the Army guys gets bit. And now the hilarity ensues. This film seems to take place in the future, though there are no robots or flying cars, but Strip Clubs are now quite illegal (the horror!!!). The bitten Army guy stumbles into Rhino's, one of the Underground Strip Clubs. He happens to stumble in while the most popular dancer, Kat (Jamison), is on stage, and procededs to infect her, though not in the way she's used to! She turns into a Zombie while on stage, turning her into a crazy acrobatic nut case with boobs! Now since she is the most popular of the dancers, there are some who like her, and some who don't. Lilith (Saint) is one who seems to look up to Kat, so she has Kat turn her into a zombie as well. I won't go any further into the story as it really is a mish-mash of nudity and gore! I will mention though... watch for the billiard ball scene! This film has all the right cheese factors to make it a modern B-Movie, with enough nastiness to put it high on a gore movie list. Now going to my old pet peeve... CGI. Since this is B-Movie quality the CGI gore effects are pretty bad, but happily few and far between. There is a lot of wonderfully gruesome classic effects. The Zombie make up looks really good, reminisent of Return of the Living Dead. On the acting stand point... well don't expect Shakespeare. The soundtrack is pretty good. There are a couple of tracks by Roxy Saint (she sings too!) that I really like. If you're opposed to nudity on film I must say, please don't watch this movie. If you want a nasty, naked, fun-filled film that will make your mommy cry in her sleep... then watch this! On a side note... my Mother actually bought this movie for me for my birthday a couple years ago... MOM YOU ROCK!!

 

I give this one...4 out of 5 Fuzzies

Saturday
Jun122010

Monster Presents: George A Romero's Survival of the Dead

I was "lucky" enough to have the chance to see this film in its HD glory this evening before its national theatrical release. I put lucky in quotes because I'm not really sure if it was luck or not. The film has a direct tie-in to Diary of the Dead, the film that in my opinion was the worst one of all the Romero Dead films. I won't say that about this one, but I certainly wouldn't say it's the best either. As many of you know, I preach pretty hard core about how much I hate CG special effects. In this film they did use them, but sparingly enough to not make me want to put my foot through the screen. I was happily surprised they used a lot of the good ol' Karo and food coloring! The make-up looked pretty good as well. Very Savini Day of the Dead-esque, even with a nod to the great Rhodes tearing apart scene. Story wasn't too bad either, even though I threw in several expletives on some of the cheesier scenes. No big stars, at least none that I recognized, although I think one of the zombies looked familiar. Zombie kills were typical head shot with a lot of misses. There were a few fun kills, and one that made me want to crawl under my chair and cry like a little girl. I do recommend this to any genre fan, but don’t expect classic Romero through and through. Even though it is a direct tie-in with Diary of the Dead, I must say I’m happily surprised it didn’t suck nearly as bad.

I give this film 3 out of 5 Fuzzies. 

Page 1 ... 4 5 6 7 8